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A regular told me my 'helpful' advice was actually pretty pushy
About a year ago, a guy at my bar, Mark, was talking about a fight with his brother over money. I jumped in with my usual 'just talk it out' speech. Later, he pulled me aside and said, 'You know, sometimes people just need to vent, not get fixed.' It hit me hard. I realized I was solving problems no one asked me to solve. Now, I try to just listen first and only give advice if someone directly asks for it. It's a small change, but it feels more respectful. Has anyone else had to learn when to just keep quiet?
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jessica1308d ago
Man, that's such a common thing. It's like we're all trained to jump straight to fixing mode. I catch myself doing it with my partner all the time, she'll tell me about a rough day at work and I'll launch into a plan to fix her boss. Sometimes she just wants me to say "that sounds awful" and make her a snack. It happens online too, someone shares a problem and the comments are full of unsolicited steps to take. Just listening is way harder than it sounds.
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piperbailey8d ago
You said we're all trained to jump to fixing mode, but I don't think that's true for everyone. Some people are just natural fixers (like me, I have to fight the urge). It's not always training, sometimes it's how your brain works. You want to help so you go straight to solutions. But you're totally right that just listening is the harder skill to learn. I'm still working on biting my tongue and just being there.
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