So basically if it ever gets a crush on another whale it's got like one shot per minute to make its move. Rough dating scene down there lol.

100k rule is old news, trucks last way longer now.

Hand kneading in Boise gave you a better crumb? Come on, that is pure luck and you know it. A stand mixer runs the dough at the same speed every single time, so you get the same gluten every single time, no tired arms, no guessing. Try making four batches back to back by hand and tell me your crumb holds up when your wrists are shot and batch three gets way less kneading than batch one. Your counter in Boise is not magic, it is just one good day. The mixer wins on repeatability, and repeatability is what actually makes good bread.