My best friend's wedding toast felt like a gut punch

Last Saturday at the reception, she said 'Mark has always been the strong one' while I stood there smiling. What she didn't know is my dad got his cancer diagnosis three days before. I clapped and laughed when she told the story about our road trip, but inside I was just counting the hours until I could drive to the hospital. The whole night was a blur of pretending everything was fine. Has anyone else had to act happy for someone else's big day while dealing with a private crisis?

3 comments

3 Comments

diana61723d ago

Your friend shouldn't feel bad for being in survival mode. That's the whole point of it, you're just trying to get through. Being physically there for her sister was the real gift, even if her mind was somewhere else. Pretending is sometimes the hardest and most loving thing you can do. She was fully there in the only way she could be at that moment.

hollyl2523d ago

My cousin had to do that at her sister's baby shower last year. Her own husband had just asked for a divorce that morning, but she spent the whole party cooing over tiny socks and playing silly games. She said later it felt like she was watching herself from across the room, just going through the motions. The effort to keep smiling made her face hurt. She still feels bad about it, like she wasn't fully there for her sister, but she was just in survival mode. It's a really tough spot to be in.

wadew5123d ago

Yeah, the "watching yourself from across the room" feeling is so real. A buddy of mine had to go to his dad's retirement dinner hours after getting laid off. He was clapping for speeches and laughing at old work stories while his brain was just stuck on his mortgage. He told me he kept nodding and saying "that's great" while mentally listing bills. @diana617 is right about pretending being a kind of love. He showed up, and that was the thing.