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Why does nobody talk about how hard it is to apologize to a parent who never says sorry back
I wrote a letter to my dad last week about how he missed my high school graduation for a fishing trip. It took me 4 years to even put those words on paper. I never sent it because I know he would just say I'm being dramatic or that I need to get over it. The thing is I don't even want an apology from him at this point. I just wanted to admit to myself that it hurt and still does. But now I have this letter sitting in my nightstand and I feel weird about it. Has anyone else written to a parent knowing full well they would never acknowledge what they did wrong? How do you deal with that feeling of wanting closure you know you won't get?
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the_lee1mo agoMost Upvoted
That letter sitting in your nightstand, does it feel like a weight or more like a bookmark for something you're not ready to close yet?
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linda_dixon491mo ago
Read somewhere that holding onto an unsent letter is like keeping a rock in your pocket. You forget it's there until you sit down and it digs into your leg. That letter probably does the same thing. Michael's suggestion about burning it has some weight to it even if it sounds dramatic. There's something about fire that makes things final in a way tucking paper away never will. Maybe that's why we keep them around, because final is scary even when we know it's what we need.
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michaeld481mo ago
That letter sitting there is exactly like a bookmark, like @the_lee said. I did the same thing with my mom a few years ago, wrote out everything about how she always took my brother's side. Never showed her either. What helped me was burning it. I know it sounds dramatic but I went out back, read it one last time to myself, then lit it on fire. That way I got to say it out loud without giving her the chance to dismiss it. The closure came from me letting go of needing her to admit anything, not from her ever changing. Have you thought about what you might do with that letter to mark the end of that chapter for yourself?
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