That time I kept saying 'I'm sorry you feel that way' for years

I used to tell my sister 'I'm sorry you feel that way' after every fight, thinking it was a real apology. Then last month she read me the text back and asked why I never just said 'I was wrong.' How do you unlearn that defensive habit without sounding fake?

3 comments

3 Comments

riley_wood841mo ago

Actually, there's something to be said for not accepting blame you don't believe you deserve. If you genuinely think you weren't in the wrong, saying "I was wrong" just to keep the peace can build resentment over time and teach the other person that you'll always fold. The real issue isn't the phrase itself, it's whether you're using it to avoid honest discussion or to set a boundary.

luna_wright1mo ago

Got a similar wakeup call when my partner pointed out I'd been saying "you're overreacting" for like two years straight. I thought I was being calm and rational but really I was just being a dismissive jerk. Started writing down three things I actually did wrong after each argument, not to apologize with but to make sure I wasn't just repeating the same pattern. One time I even caught myself about to say "I'm sorry you feel that way" to my mom about dinner plans and bit my tongue so hard I tasted blood. It's such a sneaky habit because it sounds reasonable on the surface but it's basically just putting the blame back on them.

max_torres441mo ago

Sat through a whole therapy session once defending "I'm sorry you feel that way" as a valid thing to say, then my friend played back a recording of me saying it and I finally got why people hate it. Realized I was using it as a shield instead of actually listening.