Is it selfish to put my own needs first when my family expects me to help constantly?

I was at my sister's house last weekend helping her move furniture for the third time this month, and she mentioned how I 'always come through.' But I was thinking, when do I get to say no without feeling guilty? My coworker said she tells her family flat out that she's busy, even if she's just relaxing, and they got used to it. I'm starting to wonder if setting boundaries makes me a bad family member or just a normal adult. Has anyone else figured out where that line is between being helpful and being taken advantage of?

3 comments

3 Comments

karen3611mo ago

Used to be on your coworker's side of things, but reading this honestly made me reconsider. Family loyalty does count for something more than just not being bothered, and staying present builds a safety net that works both ways.

davis.noah1mo ago

My cousin once refused to help me move a couch and I still bring it up at Thanksgiving.

stone.lisa1mo ago

It's actually pretty selfish to put your own needs first when family is involved. Your family is supposed to be the one group where you don't count the cost, and you helping your sister move furniture is building trust and loyalty that matters more than a quiet afternoon. Think about it - if everyone just said 'no' when they felt tired or wanted to relax, families would fall apart pretty fast. What would happen if you stopped helping, and then you needed something from them down the road?