Flip the script and consider how the notes themselves changed the conversation. When you bring a list, @emmahayes, it stops being a fuzzy memory fight and turns into a review of facts. My friend did this, and her husband kept saying "that one time was an accident" until she pointed to her note about the same thing happening every Thursday for two months. He wasn't expecting that level of detail, so his usual excuses just died. It became about the pattern, not his defense of a single moment.